Awkward Moment:Who is this Big-Booty-Chick on His Phone?

This theme park was incredible and beyond belief magical. I was having the time of my life. In addition, I made new friends. They were brothers. They also weren’t from the US. My friends and I spent all day with them. I was closest in age with the middle brother, Peter. Being my inquisitive self, I asked him a million questions about his life while waiting in ridiculously long lines. Peter was the handsome, strong, manly, mysterious, adventurous type with long hair. His foreign accent was the cherry on top. I noticed throughout the day, I’d catch him staring at me and smiling. When I would catch him, he never said anything and would just keep smiling. Being from Texas, it just comes naturally to me to be friendly to strangers, so I would just smile back. When my girlfriend got a chance, she whispered to me, “I think he likes you. He keeps looking at you and he only wants to talk to you.” I was picking up on that too. I think some men think women have no idea when you’re into them, but most women can smell it from 100 miles away.

After a full day at the park, all of us needed to meet up with some other people we came with. The park was so large we needed to walk at least a mile to get to the meet up spot. We had to decide whether or not we wanted to take a ride on a golf cart to get there or walk. While chatting about this decision, I caught Peter giving me googly eyes again. This time he put his arm around me. I was freaking out and probably blushing even though no one would ever be able to tell. He took his arm off after about a minute. The group came to a decision and we were going to walk. There was so much chaos happening because the park had just closed and the crowds of people were looking like a mass exodus of herds of cattle. Peter started walking and I was walking next to him. Our friends were close behind. Peter was suddenly walking at lightning speed and the crowds were so large, it was easy to get lost, so I sped up the pace to keep up with him. That’s when I realized we were separated from our friends. I asked, “Should we wait for them to catch up to us?” He was quick to say no. That’s when I realized he was just trying to get me alone. I totally fell for it!

Peter put his arm around me for a SECOND time! This time he left it there! Public display of affection is definitely not something I’m used to. Maybe you should read my purity blog and you’ll understand why. I started stuttering. Everything that came out of my mouth sounded so stupid. We had to meet everyone up at a certain time. Peter pulled out his cell phone to check the time. Something caught my eye though. There was a big-booty-chick in a thong on his phone as the wallpaper!!! WHAT THE?!?! Oh NO! What microscopic amount of interest I had in this guy dissipated. What a bust. No thank you. Not such a great first impression. What’s funny is he didn’t even know I saw.

When we got to the meetup spot, he wanted to keep walking with me and we passed up everyone. I could tell he was just buying time, so he wouldn’t have to say bye. I was just thinking, “Oh, dear Lord. Please don’t try to kiss me.” Peter went on and on about how this wasn’t goodbye and he was going to come to my city and visit me. “This isn’t goodbye, Ndi. I’m going to see you again,” he said. He was still making googly eyes at me. He gave me a hug and left. Thankfully, he didn’t try to kiss me.

That was the first and last time I ever saw him. I laughed hysterically about it with my girlfriend who thought he liked me. I mean, REALLY? IS THIS REAL LIFE? You’re trying to holler at me but you got a big-booty-chick on your phone? Boy, BYE!

 

Awkward Moment: Spongebob & Fine Dining Don’t Mix?

This summer my sister and I made a trip back from Dallas, Texas, to Redding, California. This particular traveling trip took rather long. After arriving at the airport in San Francisco, we took an Uber to the bus station. We flew for over 5 hours and were starting to get a little delirious from hunger. We were early though and our bus wasn’t taking off for another 2 hours. We asked the man at the front desk if we could check in our luggage and he said yes. We struggled with the self check-in, weighing our bags. After about 20 minutes of struggling we finally got the tags for our luggage. We asked the man at the front desk to take it thinking we could finally venture off to find food. He was like, “I’m not taking that! An old man left his suitcase here two weeks ago and said he would be right back. He never came back. You have to check in your luggage when the bus gets here.” He sounded bitter about the old man. I wish he would’ve told us that before we struggled at the self check-in. This bus station was weird. There was an old black man pacing, speaking loudly in Spanish, but then he would speak in English using all types of ebonics, saying he was from “O-Town”. It was very peculiar. He got really close to where I was sitting and looked at me with a twinkle in his eyes like I was a newborn baby and said “Hi, Heaven.” Then he turned, walked away and said bye.

This bus station was doing the most. Sister and I were going to take our chances and take all our luggage to find food. The only place we could find nearby was a fine dining restaurant about a block away. We walked in with three suitcases and a guitar. The hostess gave us the strangest look. I was wearing my SpongeBob leggings and sweatshirt. Who really dresses up for the plane anyway? Sister and I ordered the cheapest thing on their menu, octopus and french fries. I know. We’re fancy brauds. It was hilarous because a lot of the staff was looking at us funny. They were all dressed in collared shirts and bow ties. Most of their customers were also coming in dressed to the nines and had already made reservations. To say the least, we were under-dressed and stuck out like sore thumbs. The whole situation was quite ironic. We gave no explanation though.We paid and the staff said “Good luck to wherever you’re going!” On the way back to the bus station, we laughed hysterically at the situation until tears almost came out.

Awkward Moment: Go In Faith

From time to time I like to share testimonies about what God is doing in my life and how he is touching the people around me. But this one was one that went wrong.

I was in Dollar Tree. All I needed was a toothbrush to replace my old one that looked like it had been sucked up a vacuum cleaner a few times. I walked down the aisle and a woman smiled at me as she passed. I thought to myself, “Oh, that was nice.” She came back again to tell me that I’m beautiful. I was really flattered. So far this was a pleasant Dollar Tree experience. Then a plot twist got introduced.

She went on to say, “You know, I don’t know what it is but I’m always so drawn to black people. They’re so beautiful and to be honest I think they’re more anointed. Every time I’m around one, I just feel God’s presence.” In my mind I’m thinking, “Okay?” Things were getting a little weird. She asked, “Are you from Bethel?” Bethel is the church I attend and was a student in their school of supernatural ministry. I answered, “Yes.” She continued, “Oh great! Do you have a word from God for me??” I was really taken aback. In my school of supernatural ministry they encouraged us as students to hear from the Lord and encourage one another with prophetic words. I think what shocked me was that I’ve never had a stranger tell me to give them a prophetic word. So she waited there patiently for me to hear from God. I got a word of knowledge that she had been having intestinal problems and problems with her digestion. She confirmed that I was correct and said she had some type of disease. She asked me to pray for her healing so I did. She felt God’s presence and burning in her stomach. I was happy that she was experiencing the Lord, but I was running behind schedule and needed to get my toothbrush and go. She asked for my number to be able to contact me to try and get more connected in church. I gave it to her against my better judgment.

As soon as she had my number, a switch flipped in her head. She kept talking and asking if I saw anything “bad” on her. She followed me to the next aisle and kept talking. I thought my ears were going to fall off! I couldn’t even concentrate on finding a toothbrush! I tried to keep cool but she was starting to creep me out. I smiled at her and said, “Bless you. Go in faith.” I walked to the other side of the store and a couple minutes later she showed up again! This lady was following me! Again, I told her “Go in faith.” Homegirl was missing a few screws! She continued to talk, “Go in faith!”, I said. Which was really code for “Leave me alone! Bye Felecia!”

Eventually she left and I hurried out of Dollar Tree as fast as I could. Little did I know, that wouldn’t be the last of her. She serial called and texted my phone asking if she could come over and spend more time with me. That was just not going to happen. I wish I would’ve known she was a little coo-coo-for-coco-puffs before I gave her my number. I put her name in my phone as “DO NOT ANSWER”. Even though I told her to leave me alone and not contact me anymore, it’s months later and she still periodically texts me. I never answer any of them. I considered sharing this testimony with friends but it had such a bizarre ending to it that I decided to keep it to myself. Last time I go to Dollar Tree for a toothbrush.

Awkward Moment: Almost Killed a Cat

This one happened just last week. It was hot. I was ready to leave to where I needed to go,but Cute Face was sitting on top of my car!! Cute Face is the neighbor’s cat. She’s quite annoying more than cute. Every time I open my front door to leave my apartment, there she is staring at me, meowing at me, being needy. This time I was not playing games with her. I looked square in her glassy green eyes and spoke to here woman to woman, or should I say woman to cat? “Cute Face, you’re going to have get off the roof of my car because I’m leaving and I’m not going to stop driving just because you’re there.” She just blinked at me with her haughty self. She probably didn’t think I would do it, but I was dead serious. I started driving and right before I was about to hit the big hump in the road that lets me out of my driveway, I hear a faint voice yelling, “Stop! Stop! STOP!” I looked around. It was my neighbor. No way! I never see him outside! I’ve been caught! I got out the car and he said, “There’s a cat on top of your car and she’s not getting off!” I played it off like I never saw Cute Face there. “Oh! Wow! How’d she get there?? Oh! Poor Cute Face!” He laughed and said, “That was a close one.” I laughed as I scooped her off the back of my roof, but my laugh was fake. I knew what I was doing. When the owner had his back turned, I squinted at Cute Face as if to say, “I told you not to try me Cute Face. This isn’t over.”

Awkward Moment: I didn’t want to hug you…

I made a new friend. At least I thought so. I wasn’t sure. Maybe we needed a DTR (Define The Relationship). Haha just kidding! I knew him in passing before and we had a conversation, but he was popular and forgot. I ran into him a month later at church. We spoke and he gave me his number. I thought to myself, “Wow! We’re officially friends now and not just Facebook!” Later that night I saw him again at church. We were both talking in the same group of friends. I thought he was reaching over to greet me and give me a hug. Again I thought, “Wow! We’re hugging status! We’re just that good of friends now!” So happily, I reached over and met him halfway to hug him. To my surprise he said, “Ope! We’ve got two in there!” Turns out he was trying to hug the girl standing directly behind me, not me. I had just intercepted the hug. Oh the embarrassment! I wanted to hide. Our friendship was too early and too fragile for these kinds of awkward moments. I couldn’t believe I just did that. Oh well. Hopefully, he’ll still want to be friends.

Awkward Moment:Stalking a Stranger

There he was. I had never met him, but man did I think he was beautiful and when he sang it was like the voice of an angel. One day as I went to the grocery store with friends, I saw him running on the side of the road. Then to my surprise he ended up coming inside the same exact grocery store. I had never seen him so up close before. I was giving a creepy stare and indiscreetly following him around trying to make out if it was really him. It was. I think he noticed me, but he might’ve been scared. Haha. My roommate also thought he was cute, but she reported back to me that he was very much taken. I wasn’t really bothered by it because I never planned on talking to him.  Several months pass and one day, Instagram  suggested I follow him. It must’ve been all the mutual friends. I of course took the liberty of stalking every photo he ever posted all the way back to 2011. Sometimes when I do that amount of stalking, I get this strange feeling almost like the other person knows what I’ve done. The next day I go to a grocery and you’ll guess who I saw! It was him! And he was walking down my aisle! I think I dropped all my frozen food on the floor and things fell out of my purse. We made eye contact, but I broke it partly because he was just too beautiful and it was blinding me and partly because I thought, “OH MY GOSH! HE KNOWS WHAT I’VE DONE! HE KNOWS I’VE BEEN LOOKING AT HIS INSTAGRAM!” He definitely recognized me, though we still had never officially met. It was like my life was in slow motion. As he walked past, I made eye contact again and gave a guilty smile. He had been looking at me the whole time he walked down the aisle which made me even more uneasy. When we made eye contact the second time, he just smiled and said, “Hi.” I said hi back. Haha glad that’s over. Instagram is a trap. You can creep years into the past, next thing you know, you will have liked a stranger’s picture accidentally.

Awkward Moment:Early Bird Gets the Worm

I was so excited to finally have an “official” job! The Manager said show up to orientation at 8 pm the following week. I prepared all day long and wore my nicest outfit. I mean I was dressed to IMPRESS. When I looked in the mirror I impressed my own self! I showed up at the workplace 15 minutes early, 7:45pm. I walked in, saw the manager and she gave me a glance. “Yes. Can I help you?” In my head I thought, “Well of course! Does she not remember me? I mean, does she not remember what time we scheduled orientation?” I responded with a smile, “Yes. I’m here for orientation.” She looked confused. “Orientation is tomorrow at 8 pm.” My eyes were wide. I couldn’t believe it! I showed up a WHOLE day early! “Oh! Yes! Of course it is! Wow. I could’ve swore it was today…(nervous laughter)…At least I’m early! (nervous smile)” She wasn’t smiling or laughing at the awkward situation which made things even more awkward. I just said, “Okay, see you tomorrow!” and briskly walked out. I could hear her loudly whispering to another employee, “Man, she is ready to work!” Wow. What a first impression, Ndi!

The Importance of Knowing What Season You’re In

While in college my life was extremely busy. My schedule was packed. At one point I was working two jobs and taking 19 credit hours of class. For those of you who don’t know, that is the maximum amount of hours a college student can take. Not to mention, all the time I spent in a practice room practicing instruments or singing and doing homework. I had every hour of my day on a strict schedule and if I didn’t stick with it, I wouldn’t get homework done, or I would miss meals, or I wouldn’t get enough sleep, or I wouldn’t get to see my friends on the weekends, or I wouldn’t get to spend time with God. That amount of work was needed for that season. I had to buckle down and finish my degree. That was a season of hard work and a full schedule.

On the day of graduation, however, my season of life immediately changed. I didn’t need to work so hard anymore because I had accomplished my goal. I got my degree. It was such a strange feeling. I always felt like I should be doing something. I tried to fill my schedule with unnecessary work that I felt I should be doing. My plans to basically work myself to death always fell through because I didn’t recognize what season I was in, and God simply wouldn’t allow it. I was in a season of rest. A season where God wanted to take care of all my needs and not have me work for it. Not once did I take a moment to ask God what season I was in. It would’ve saved me a lot of trouble. I would get frustrated and stressed out when God wouldn’t allow me to work for all the things I wanted. In my logical mind it didn’t make sense how my needs would be taken care of. I was used to working hard and it’s very much in my personality to work hard and get things done and accomplish goals. No matter how hard I tried, my plans just did not match up with God’s plans. I planned to work myself to death with a schedule full of never ending tasks, while God planned for me to rest and not lift a finger because I had just come out of a season of busyness.

You see, when you don’t recognize what season you’re in, you will make plans and get upset, frustrated, discouraged, and even think that God isn’t answering your prayers because you’re trying to force your plan and idea of what season you should be in on your life when that was never something God had for you. Instead of getting angry and trying to conquer the world in one day and complaining, asking God “Why aren’t you on my side?!” Try asking Holy Spirit what season you’re in. Ask God what his plans for your life are. His ways and his plans for our lives are so much higher than our own. It’s quite possible that his plans and ways for your life are different than yours. Struggle comes when we don’t surrender.

We can make our plans,
    but the Lord determines our steps.  Proverbs 16:9

Each season has a purpose that will prepare you for the next. Currently, I’m still in a season of rest. I’m learning here and now that there will always be an opportunity to work hard and have a busy full schedule, but a moment of peace and rest is few and far between and must be fought for. Rest is so important that when the Lord created the earth, he took a whole day to rest and look back at what he had built.

There will be a time for everything. Take time to learn what season God has you in and enjoy it. Be present in the moment and stop worrying about tomorrow. God loves you and his plans are never to disappoint you, but to give you a better, brighter tomorrow.

 

xoxo,

Ndi

A Season of Transition & Shut Doors

Currently, in my life I am in the midst of a season of transition. Most times during a season of transition, it is also a season of venturing out into the unknown and trusting God in new territory. It seems like the only way to find out if something is the right fit is to try it and open the door. Hardly ever do we receive a clear play-by-play plan from Holy Spirit of how the future will play out. In the last week or so I felt myself getting frustrated and feeling disappointed because it seemed just about every door that I thought would be a great opportunity for me was being shut in my face. I thought behind these doors would be solutions to my problems and the answers to my prayers…but they WEREN’T. Sitting in my townhouse alone, I brought it up to the Lord. I was frustrated and upset, but most of all I didn’t understand what he was doing in that moment.

In the most gentle way, Holy Spirit showed me a picture of me walking into new territory on a pathway. On this pathway there were question marks on doors that were lined on each side of the pathway. As I opened door after door, I was met with nothing behind each one. In this vision I saw my frustration. Holy Spirit went on to tell me that in seasons of transition there were will always be uncertainty and an element of mystery because he doesn’t reveal all the details of his plan. We shouldn’t be disappointed though when we open a door and it doesn’t work out because it just means it wasn’t a part of God’s plan. This is new territory, so not everything is going to go the way we planned from the beginning. It will always be better though.

The next day after this heart-to-heart with the Lord my sister Ido was napping in her car during a lunch break. She heard knocking as if there were a door in the car and an audible voice saying, “Keep knocking and the door will be opened.” I think we can all agree the audible voice of the Lord is enough to confirm all Holy Spirit spoke to me about.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” Matthew 7:7-11

Behind the next door could be our answer. We have to keep knocking and not get caught in the discouragement of not having our original plan work out. It just means God’s plan is so much better, so we have to dream a little bigger and aim a little higher. Be persistent in prayer. Be persistent in standing in faith. Most of all be persistent in surrendering to God, knowing his plan is the best plan.

We can make our plans,
but the Lord determines our steps. Proverbs 16:9

Getting up After You’ve Been Knocked Down

Right now I'm sitting in my living room, looking at the time. There are only a few hours left in 2014. As I reflect back on this year I remember facing a lot of heartache. Actually, if I'm being honest the Lord allowed me to go through a series of events this summer that left my heart in shreds. It wasn't anything that I did wrong or could prevent from happening, it just happened. It was as if a fire came through my life and relentlessly destroyed just about everything. I want to be completely transparent and vulnerable because I know this will help someone. After my summer was all over with, I didn't want to get up out of the ashes. I didn't FEEL like doing anything. I didn't let the Lord in to heal me and help me to move on. Instead I surrounded myself with people and let the busy-ness of life take over. I just threw a rug over my shredded heart in hopes it would get better.

It was only until a couple of days ago that I sat at my Granny's house in total peace and quiet with no internet, no people, that the Lord was able to speak to me again. He said "Let it go and give it to me." I wanted to say, "Lord I'm not hurt. I'm fine." but the tears proved otherwise. Finally, in the quietness of my Granny's house, the Holy Spirit was able to speak to me. "Can we address this together?"

In October I attended a Christian conference where the Holy Spirit gave me a revelation. He showed me a picture of myself flattened out on the ground like a pancake under a 2 ton weight. It was very cartoonish. The Lord removed the weight but I was still squished on the ground. The Holy Spirit revealed to me that Jesus was the same way after he died. He was crushed by life. The weight of the world's sin was on him. Friends betrayed him. Strangers had it out for him. His heart was probably in shreds too. He probably felt like he couldn't back up from this. "How in the world will I be able to resurrect?" is something he might have thought. That's when the Holy Spirit showed me a vision of heaven. There was a huge race going on like as if someone was running a marathon. People were crowding around each side. All of heaven was cheering on Jesus saying "You can do it!! Get up, Jesus! Get up!" The Champion of Heaven was able to rise again and conquer death after everyone thought that he was defeated. In the same way all of heaven was cheering on Jesus to get back up after he had been knocked down, I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me and say, "All of heaven is cheering you on. Get back up baby! I know you can do it!"

Some of you feel like 2014 just about crushed you as flat as a pancake and it's been hard to get up to keep going and to heal. I want you to know that in the same way all of heaven cheered Jesus on to resurrect, they are cheering you on too. With the help of the Holy Spirit we can overcome and move beyond our past. People didn't expect Jesus to come back from all that he had been through. People may not expect you to bounce back from what you've been through, but because the champion of heaven got back up and conquered the grave through him we can also get back up. "…Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." John 16:33

For a while after I went through my fiery trials, I just wanted to sit in my ashes. Don't fall into the trap of not surrendering your ashes to the Lord. You may not understand why you had to lose that loved one, or why that relationship didn't work out, or why your family had to struggle, or why you had to go through health problems or circumstances that people still don't know you went through. That's okay. It's okay not to understand. Surrender the questions to the Lord. When we don't understand He is still good.
" I will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth" Psalm 34:1

There is such a beautiful promise that we find in the Word. When we let go of our ashes, the Lord blesses us with beauty. "To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory." Isaiah 61:3

Let’s trade in the hurt, the pain, the disappointment for something so much better.

I’m sure without a doubt that Jesus finished this race we call life because we are his joy. Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t sit down. Get back up and finish strong. We can move forward because Christ is our joy and our reward. “No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” Philippians 3:13-14

Yes you went through a lot in 2014, but it’s time to get up and heal with the Lord. It’s time to let go of the questions and disappointments. Don’t let your past define your future. It’s a new year. I pray it’s full of beauty, joy, and festive praise for you. Welcome to 2015.

Much love in Christ,

xoxo Ndi