Taking my purity ring off to have sex, then putting it back on when it’s over.

This blog is my very personal testimony of God’s grace and goodness in my life regarding my purity.

I’m sure some of you are wondering about the title of this blog. You’re probably thinking “Wow Ndi! I thought you were a Christian! I thought you were a worship leader! I never thought you would do anything like that!” Whoa whoa whoa. I want to make one thing clear. I am still all those things. I have never done anything like the title of my blog describes, however, this is what someone thought I did.

Let me explain. A couple years ago I was at a different job and it had come to my co-workers’ attention that I was wearing a ring on my ring finger. The ring was my purity ring which has written on it in tiny script “Love Waits”. My purity ring has been the center of many funny incidents, but those are stories for another time. Anyway, my co-workers began asking me so many questions about my ring. One guy in particular asked me specifically what my purity ring meant to me. I told him that it means I’ve made a promise to God to not have sex until marriage. To him that sounded so foreign and he could hardly believe me. He said “Are you sure you don’t just take it off before you have sex, then put it back on later???” Honestly, I thought it was kind of funny that he thought I did that. I said, “I’m sure.” Hearing me say this sparked even more curiosity and a girl co-worker asked, “So does that mean you’re…a virgin?” I could tell she felt awkward for asking but the curiosity was too much for her to handle. I didn’t feel awkward answering though. I simply said “Yes.”

This is what my actual purity ring looks like.

This is what my actual purity ring looks like.

Usually, I only share my testimony about purity with females unless asked direct questions from a guy. I mostly do that just to guard my heart because some guys get funny ideas after I share and look at me like I’m a sandwich. Haha! I felt as though the Holy Spirit really wanted me to encourage people today, men and women, young men and young women. I believe every testimony about purity is unique and can be used in God’s kingdom.

For me, I have seen God supernaturally protect my purity in so many ways since I was a young girl. And I will do my best to put your curiosities or questions to rest by showing you how. I have been in relationship with God since I was a very young child and distinctly remembering His presence leading and guiding me. When I was 10 years old in 6th grade, I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me, “I don’t want you to have a boyfriend until after you graduate high school”. I said yes to that. I agreed not to enter into a relationship until after high school. I also said yes to many other request God asked of me as I got older. I’m sure it seems crazy, but the Holy Spirit gave me the wisdom to make that decision at a young age and helped me understand why it was important. Fast forward to now, my senior year in college, and I still have never had a boyfriend. Some people think that is so bizarre, but if you want to know something especially peculiar, not only have I never had a boyfriend, I have never been kissed. I never have viewed pornography. I have never masturbated. I have never sent nude pictures of myself or have received nude pictures. The farthest I’ve ever gone with a guy is a hug. Haha! In the words of my older sister, I’m a “super virgin”. I don’t want anyone to think I’m extra holy just because I haven’t done any of these things. It is only by the grace of God that He has kept me pure. None of this happened by accident either. I don’t come from family that has a legacy of super virgins. I know that my life was perfectly orchestrated by God. He has supernaturally preserved my innocence. I had to trust Him though. Everyday I have to trust him. I have to trust that He knows what He’s doing, and that I’m not a freak of nature but His beautiful spotless bride. There have been several SEVERAL opportunities for me to just throw it all away and step ahead of God and say, “Lord, you don’t know what you’re doing! I need a boyfriend now! I have a disease and it’s called singleness!”. Haha! Even if I tried to step outside of God’s plan for my life regarding my purity, the Holy Spirit inside of me would be so grieved that I would literally be on my face crying out in repentance.

Last year around January 2013 I was in Thailand on a mission trip and my dear friend John LaChapelle was also on the trip with me. Each morning the team would spend time building each other up in the Lord, in whatever way that looked like. One morning it was John’s turn to choose what the team would do. He had spent that morning asking God what He wanted to say to each of us. He wrote notes out to each team member relaying what the Holy Spirit spoke to him for us. My note said something along the lines of “I see God placing an encampment of protection around you.” He quoted a scripture about Ruth and Boaz and how Boaz told the men not to touch her. John went on to say that God has done the same for me. What John didn’t know was that the night before I was up late rolling in bed feeling like a freak of nature again, crying God why me. The night before, my teammates shared their testimony about purity and mine looked nothing like theirs, so I was feeling like an outsider even among Christians. That night I was rolling around in bed complaining to God saying, “God why did you make me so darn pure?!? I feel silly!!” I was being a baby. Sometimes I do that. The next morning God gave me his answer through John LaChapelle because I obviously wasn’t listening. It’s because all this time, He’s been protecting me. He put a “do not touch” sign on my head to protect me from random meaningless relationships with guys who had no purpose in my life.

My testimony is not the same as everyone else’s nor is it better. I know some people can relate to me though. Some of you have been reading this saying “That’s me!”. You don’t have to feel like you’re left out. Count your purity as a blessing. I want to encourage all the super virgins out there or even the technical virgins or Christians who have already had premarital sex. Me saying yes to God as a young girl came with a high price. I was often made fun of by Christians and non-Christians, pressured, and the butt of many jokes and sometimes still am. At times I felt as if there was something wrong with me, but that’s not true. I’m perfectly normal. I have to submit my desires to God everyday and choose to say yes even though I want to say no sometimes to His plan. If you want to experience God’s purity in your life, you need to count the cost before you say yes. There will be sacrifices that He will require of you, but His plans are so much better and sweeter than ours are. They give a greater reward.

“16 That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. 17 For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 18 So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Fix your eyes on Him. We only see in part but God sees in whole. He knows how much our decisions will affect us today and tomorrow. That’s why He is worthy of our trust. He loves us. His plans are to protect us and give us life more abundantly. The devil HATES purity. He hates it so much it makes him cringe. He will do everything in his power to defile it and use anyone available to do it. Do you know why? Because our purity means we are without blame. Satan is called the accuser and goes before God accusing God’s children of all the wrong we’ve done, so that he has the chance to bring destruction in our lives. If we are living in purity, He has nothing on us! It was because of Jesus, our very own spotless Lamb, that by his purity we were brought out of a life of death and decay and reconciled to God. It was by Jesus’ purity that were given salvation! Jesus was a virgin!! A super virgin!! I don’t know about you but that makes me extremely happy and excited!! I want to be like Jesus!! I don’t care if I get made fun of for being a super virgin. The King of Kings and Lord of Lords is a super virgin and He is sitting on the throne and is reigning and those people making fun of me are not.

If you have been living in guilt and shame for past decisions you have made or decisions others have made against your will, God wants to bring healing and freedom to your life right now. You need to forgive yourself of your mistakes and the mistakes of others. The accuser will condemn you and make you feel guilt for your past so that you can’t move forward in your calling. Paul in the Bible brutally murdered hundreds of Christians, but once he gave his life to Christ. This is what he said.

“12 I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. 13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” Philippians 3:12-14

He couldn’t allow his past to hold him back. In Christ all things are made new. Even if you messed up just this morning, God makes all things new. Satan doesn’t want you to move on or realize what you have available to you. When we repent and I mean truly repent and turn from our old life and old way of thinking, God promises forgiveness. When He looks at us He doesn’t see our sin anymore, but the righteousness of Christ. I’m not pure because of anything that I’ve done, but because Christ clothes me in His purity and righteousness. He can do the same for you and bring restoration for your life. We can rejoice because our shame is removed and though we’re undeserving we’ve been chosen as Christ’s bride and given his robes of righteousness. In Christ there is freedom.

“10 I am overwhelmed with joy in the Lord my God! For he has dressed me with the clothing of salvation and draped me in a robe of righteousness. I am like a bridegroom in his wedding suit or a bride with her jewels.” Isaiah 61:10 “

Rejoice in knowing that the King of King chose you and has made you His spotless bride! I love you! Be encouraged!

xoxo,

Ndi

Advertisements

Awkward Moment of the Week: Weird Nigerian Girl

So this week’s awkward moment award goes to this story. 

I’m a music major and sometimes I saw this guy I didn’t know in the music building. Even though I didn’t know him I would say hi just  because I saw him so often. That’s what I do with anyone I see a lot but don’t know. So one day this week as I’m getting off work, I start walking towards the back of the music building and I see him sitting on a bench listening to music. As I’m approaching he looks like he’s laughing at something. I smile and say hi. At this point I still haven’t actually met him. He takes out one of his earbuds still kind of laughing and says “Hi. What’s your name?” I tell him my name and he’s still kind of laughing and says, “I saw a video of you dancing on Facebook through one of our mutual friends.” At first I was thinking to myself, “Dancing??? Is he sure that was me??” Then I remembered. I made a video of me dancing to Ibibio (a Nigerian language) praise music and speaking in Ibibio. Hahaha! I was being really silly and making all sorts of weird faces and doing dances that my dad does. Haha well…..now he’s seen a glimpse of how weird I am. Dang it! Now I can’t even pretend to be normal. Now I know why he was laughing. What a great introduction. 

 

xoxo,

Ndi

Awkward Moment of the Week #3: Kissy Kissy

Kissy Kissy

Kissy Kissy

So my awkward moment this week goes along perfectly with Valentine’s Day. It’s like it was a set up. Love can be awkward, or sometimes even just liking someone. Sometimes it’s just friends that are awkward. 

This past week I was working on a project for one of my classes with a classmate. His name is Alex. It was just Alex and I alone in this room working on this project. I’ve known him for a couple years, so I wasn’t really uncomfortable. Alex is also a really touchy person. He loves hugging people. I don’t really mind because I love hugs too. Anyways, Alex wasn’t really concentrating on our homework and started talking about his love life. He likes a girl who doesn’t feel the same way about him. He said, “Ndi, do you ever feel like you can never have the person you want, but you can have the people you don’t want?” I was barely paying attention to him and said, “I guess so.” He just looked at me like “Come on!!” Last semester I had mentioned that there was a guy that I liked but he just didn’t like me back. It was the same as his situation. So he said, “Take for example, you could tell Collin (another one of our classmates) that you wanted to be with him and you could have him in a heartbeat. You could tell me you wanted to be together, give me a lollipop, and you’d have me. But you can’t have that guy that you liked.” At this point he’s got my attention and I’m smirking and thinking to myself, “Well I know I can’t have him. Thanks for pointing that out again.” I just reminded him that sometimes God protects us from a relationship because He’s got something better for us. Then Alex says “You know, Will (another one of our classmates) seriously thought we were about to date at one point.” In my head, my eyes got really big and I was like “What in the world?!?!?” But on the outside I remained calm and just said “Really?….” Hahaha I had no words. I didn’t know what else to say. Alex and I are in no way compatible. I mentioned how I missed Will and Alex threw his arms around me and said, “I miss him too, but I’m so glad we’re friends, Ndi.” 

Haha I want everyone to get a clear picture of this. I’m sitting in a chair facing forward. Alex is sitting to the right of me and has his arms around me and is facing my direction. After he said “I’m so glad we’re friends, Ndi”, out of the corner of my eyes I see his face moving closer to mine but then backing away and then getting closer again and backing away again. I turned to him and said, “What are you doing?” He said “Well I was going to kiss you on your cheek, but I guess that would’ve been awkward. Did I save myself?? Tell me I saved myself, Ndi!!” And I’m just like “Sure…. You saved yourself, Alex.” I was just like, what in the world??? Hahaha. At that point I was like okay….I’m done doing homework alone with you. It’s time to go. My cheeks are reserved for family and old people that think I’m cute!

Warning: All names in this story have been changed to protect the innocent. 😉

I hope this made you smile. 🙂

jpeg

xoxo,
Ndi

Ignorance is Not Bliss

We have all heard the phrase “ignorance is bliss” at one point in our lives, but let’s just think about how much truth is in that statement. There’s so much wrong with that.

The definition of ignorance is “lack of knowledge or information”.  Ignorance can get people into a lot of trouble. I mean take for example, if I ever got stranded in a forest by myself for months and I was ignorant to what foods were poisonous and which were not, I’m in a life or death position all because of my ignorance. In that situation I would certainly not be on my death bed after eating poisonous berries saying “oh yeah. Ignorance is totally bliss.” No. I’d be an idiot to say that. My ignorance just killed me.

“…my people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge. ‘Because you have rejected knowledge, I also reject you as my priests; because you have ignored the law of your God, I also will ignore your children.’ ” Hosea 4:6

Right in this very verse we see the definition of ignorance. My people are destroyed because of ignorance. If you take apart this word, you can find the word ignore. The verse goes on to say that because God’s people ignored Him and his laws, He’s now going to ignore them too.

I just want to take a moment to say that I believe that if you are reading my blog right now, that it’s for a reason. I believe that it is not by accident, but you are in the right place at the right time and that God divinely intertwined our lives just so I could say what I’m about to say.

I say this with all sincerity and a heavy heart. Are you ignoring God? Berries destroyed my life hypothetically. It was all because of my ignorance. I could have lived so much longer, done so many things, and enjoyed life, but it was all cut short because of my ignorance. I didn’t get to experience the fullness of all God had planned for me. Are you shorthanding yourself because of your ignorance? Do you feel empty? Are you ignoring that a relationship with God is what you need? The devil  wants you to stay ignorant to the truth that Jesus loves you so much that he did whatever it took just to have the chance to be in relationship with you. Jesus died knowing you could still reject him and not want to be in relationship with him.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly” John 10:10

Do you see the parallel that satan wants to destroy you and ignorance does destroy people? God never intended for His people to be lonely, depressed, or to feel purposeless. He came so that we could have life more abundantly. That means more than we can imagine handling all by ourselves. Don’t settle for less than what He’s promised you today. Don’t ignore it either.

The difference between truth and fact is that facts can change, but truth will be same no matter how much time has passed. Time has no diminishing effect on truth. Trees were still trees one hundred years ago. This is the truth. Trees are also real whether we believe in them or not. The same is true for God. He is truth. We needed him one hundred years ago and we need Him now. One day we are all going to stand before Him and He’s going to separate those He knows from those He does not. No one can say “God why didn’t you make yourself clearer to me? How was I supposed to know you are real?”. He makes himself clear to us every single day, whether we hear it from a person or not.

“The heavens proclaim the glory of God. The skies display his craftsmanship. Day after day they continue to speak; night after night they make him known.” Psalm 10:1-2.

Think about it. How many trees have you seen today? They weren’t hiding. They were in plain sight, but you chose to ignore them. How many blessings did God pour out on you today? They weren’t hidden but you chose to ignore them. Open your eyes and see all the ways God has made himself clear to you. I beg you, not to ignore him anymore. Open your eyes and see how many ways God has poured out  his love on you. If you have any questions or doubts in your mind about God’s existence, I want to encourage you. I was not always like this, sure in my faith. But I sought out the answers to my questions with abandon. I did whatever it took so that I could find out for myself. When I did that I had an encounter with His presence that marked me and left me never the same. It drowned out every voice of doubt.

His word says,”If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.” Jeremiah 29:13

I don’t know about you but to me that sounds like a dare. It’s also a promise. So if you want to know if God does exist, if he really loves you, I want to challenge you to seek him with your WHOLE heart. Don’t live in ignorance anymore. Don’t ignore that God is offering you a life that so much sweeter than one without Him. He wants to see you live without depression, without loneliness, and walking in your purpose. No it’s not always going to be easy, but I promise it’s worth it to find out.

And if you are already a believer I encourage you to learn what the Word says. Study it because it’ll expose the lies of the enemy and cultivate life in your life. Don’t let yourself be ignorant to what His Word says. Don’t ignore what it says either. His commands are not burdensome but they bring life and protection and so many other blessings.

It is my prayer that everyone reading would experience what Jesus meant when he said he came to bring us life and life more abundantly.

xoxo,

Ndi

Awkward Moment of the Week #2

So I’m a little late on this week’s awkward moment, but I want everyone to know that I didn’t forget.  There were plenty of  awkward moments to choose from.  I try to censor them, so they’re rated G, but I want  my audience to know, these are my real life raw awkward moment experiences.

So this weekend,I was attending a women’s church retreat that a friend invited me to. They started off with a fun interactive murder-mystery party that was themed circus. My character was a sideshow act who happened to be a three-boobed bearded woman. Just let that sink in for a moment. Honestly, my costume wasn’t what was awkward. I’m just throwing that in there because it’s funny. Before I was leaving to go on this women’s retreat, I was rushing to get my costume together and doing my laundry at the same time. Recall again that I live in an all girls dorm on my college campus. So before I take off for the retreat, I run upstairs to get my laundry, but halfway up the stairs I realized I forgot my laundry basket. Of course, I was like there’s no way I’m going back now.  So I get to the laundry room and try to carry my huge load of laundry in my arms without dropping anything. Yes I TRIED and THOUGHT I succeeded. So me with my happy self, plopped my laundry on my bed and went on my merry way.

The next morning when I returned from the retreat, I was about to open my door to my room when my friend came out of the stairwell (my room is located right across from the stairwell) and said hi to me. Usually, I don’t use the stairs because I live on the first floor, but when my friend came out of the stairwell I saw something red out of the corner of my eye. I went in the stairwell and saw the”something red” was my underwear…. Not only was it my underwear but it was the weird pair of underwear I own that has a traffic sign on the butt and says “Curves Ahead” . My eyes got big and I was thinking, “Oh my gosh. How long has that been there???” But that was a dumb question to think because I knew they had been there one night. Durrrrrrr. I grabbed them really quick and threw them in my room. Who knows how many eyes have seen my little secret?

Reem and I at the murder mystery party.

Reem and I at the murder mystery party.

xoxo,

Ndi