This blog is my very personal testimony of God’s grace and goodness in my life regarding my purity.
I’m sure some of you are wondering about the title of this blog. You’re probably thinking “Wow Ndi! I thought you were a Christian! I thought you were a worship leader! I never thought you would do anything like that!” Whoa whoa whoa. I want to make one thing clear. I am still all those things. I have never done anything like the title of my blog describes, however, this is what someone thought I did.
Let me explain. A couple years ago I was at a different job and it had come to my co-workers’ attention that I was wearing a ring on my ring finger. The ring was my purity ring which has written on it in tiny script “Love Waits”. My purity ring has been the center of many funny incidents, but those are stories for another time. Anyway, my co-workers began asking me so many questions about my ring. One guy in particular asked me specifically what my purity ring meant to me. I told him that it means I’ve made a promise to God to not have sex until marriage. To him that sounded so foreign and he could hardly believe me. He said “Are you sure you don’t just take it off before you have sex, then put it back on later???” Honestly, I thought it was kind of funny that he thought I did that. I said, “I’m sure.” Hearing me say this sparked even more curiosity and a girl co-worker asked, “So does that mean you’re…a virgin?” I could tell she felt awkward for asking but the curiosity was too much for her to handle. I didn’t feel awkward answering though. I simply said “Yes.”
This is what my actual purity ring looks like.
Usually, I only share my testimony about purity with females unless asked direct questions from a guy. I mostly do that just to guard my heart because some guys get funny ideas after I share and look at me like I’m a sandwich. Haha! I felt as though the Holy Spirit really wanted me to encourage people today, men and women, young men and young women. I believe every testimony about purity is unique and can be used in God’s kingdom.
For me, I have seen God supernaturally protect my purity in so many ways since I was a young girl. And I will do my best to put your curiosities or questions to rest by showing you how. I have been in relationship with God since I was a very young child and distinctly remembering His presence leading and guiding me. When I was 10 years old in 6th grade, I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me, “I don’t want you to have a boyfriend until after you graduate high school”. I said yes to that. I agreed not to enter into a relationship until after high school. I also said yes to many other request God asked of me as I got older. I’m sure it seems crazy, but the Holy Spirit gave me the wisdom to make that decision at a young age and helped me understand why it was important. Fast forward to now, my senior year in college, and I still have never had a boyfriend. Some people think that is so bizarre, but if you want to know something especially peculiar, not only have I never had a boyfriend, I have never been kissed. I never have viewed pornography. I have never masturbated. I have never sent nude pictures of myself or have received nude pictures. The farthest I’ve ever gone with a guy is a hug. Haha! In the words of my older sister, I’m a “super virgin”. I don’t want anyone to think I’m extra holy just because I haven’t done any of these things. It is only by the grace of God that He has kept me pure. None of this happened by accident either. I don’t come from family that has a legacy of super virgins. I know that my life was perfectly orchestrated by God. He has supernaturally preserved my innocence. I had to trust Him though. Everyday I have to trust him. I have to trust that He knows what He’s doing, and that I’m not a freak of nature but His beautiful spotless bride. There have been several SEVERAL opportunities for me to just throw it all away and step ahead of God and say, “Lord, you don’t know what you’re doing! I need a boyfriend now! I have a disease and it’s called singleness!”. Haha! Even if I tried to step outside of God’s plan for my life regarding my purity, the Holy Spirit inside of me would be so grieved that I would literally be on my face crying out in repentance.
Last year around January 2013 I was in Thailand on a mission trip and my dear friend John LaChapelle was also on the trip with me. Each morning the team would spend time building each other up in the Lord, in whatever way that looked like. One morning it was John’s turn to choose what the team would do. He had spent that morning asking God what He wanted to say to each of us. He wrote notes out to each team member relaying what the Holy Spirit spoke to him for us. My note said something along the lines of “I see God placing an encampment of protection around you.” He quoted a scripture about Ruth and Boaz and how Boaz told the men not to touch her. John went on to say that God has done the same for me. What John didn’t know was that the night before I was up late rolling in bed feeling like a freak of nature again, crying God why me. The night before, my teammates shared their testimony about purity and mine looked nothing like theirs, so I was feeling like an outsider even among Christians. That night I was rolling around in bed complaining to God saying, “God why did you make me so darn pure?!? I feel silly!!” I was being a baby. Sometimes I do that. The next morning God gave me his answer through John LaChapelle because I obviously wasn’t listening. It’s because all this time, He’s been protecting me. He put a “do not touch” sign on my head to protect me from random meaningless relationships with guys who had no purpose in my life.
My testimony is not the same as everyone else’s nor is it better. I know some people can relate to me though. Some of you have been reading this saying “That’s me!”. You don’t have to feel like you’re left out. Count your purity as a blessing. I want to encourage all the super virgins out there or even the technical virgins or Christians who have already had premarital sex. Me saying yes to God as a young girl came with a high price. I was often made fun of by Christians and non-Christians, pressured, and the butt of many jokes and sometimes still am. At times I felt as if there was something wrong with me, but that’s not true. I’m perfectly normal. I have to submit my desires to God everyday and choose to say yes even though I want to say no sometimes to His plan. If you want to experience God’s purity in your life, you need to count the cost before you say yes. There will be sacrifices that He will require of you, but His plans are so much better and sweeter than ours are. They give a greater reward.
“16 That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. 17 For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 18 So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Fix your eyes on Him. We only see in part but God sees in whole. He knows how much our decisions will affect us today and tomorrow. That’s why He is worthy of our trust. He loves us. His plans are to protect us and give us life more abundantly. The devil HATES purity. He hates it so much it makes him cringe. He will do everything in his power to defile it and use anyone available to do it. Do you know why? Because our purity means we are without blame. Satan is called the accuser and goes before God accusing God’s children of all the wrong we’ve done, so that he has the chance to bring destruction in our lives. If we are living in purity, He has nothing on us! It was because of Jesus, our very own spotless Lamb, that by his purity we were brought out of a life of death and decay and reconciled to God. It was by Jesus’ purity that were given salvation! Jesus was a virgin!! A super virgin!! I don’t know about you but that makes me extremely happy and excited!! I want to be like Jesus!! I don’t care if I get made fun of for being a super virgin. The King of Kings and Lord of Lords is a super virgin and He is sitting on the throne and is reigning and those people making fun of me are not.
If you have been living in guilt and shame for past decisions you have made or decisions others have made against your will, God wants to bring healing and freedom to your life right now. You need to forgive yourself of your mistakes and the mistakes of others. The accuser will condemn you and make you feel guilt for your past so that you can’t move forward in your calling. Paul in the Bible brutally murdered hundreds of Christians, but once he gave his life to Christ. This is what he said.
“12 I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. 13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” Philippians 3:12-14
He couldn’t allow his past to hold him back. In Christ all things are made new. Even if you messed up just this morning, God makes all things new. Satan doesn’t want you to move on or realize what you have available to you. When we repent and I mean truly repent and turn from our old life and old way of thinking, God promises forgiveness. When He looks at us He doesn’t see our sin anymore, but the righteousness of Christ. I’m not pure because of anything that I’ve done, but because Christ clothes me in His purity and righteousness. He can do the same for you and bring restoration for your life. We can rejoice because our shame is removed and though we’re undeserving we’ve been chosen as Christ’s bride and given his robes of righteousness. In Christ there is freedom.
“10 I am overwhelmed with joy in the Lord my God! For he has dressed me with the clothing of salvation and draped me in a robe of righteousness. I am like a bridegroom in his wedding suit or a bride with her jewels.” Isaiah 61:10 “
Rejoice in knowing that the King of King chose you and has made you His spotless bride! I love you! Be encouraged!