A Season of Transition & Shut Doors

13835624_1012948908823351_2125631985_oCurrently, in my life I am in the midst of a season of transition. Most times during a season of transition, it is also a season of venturing out into the unknown and trusting God in new territory. It seems like the only way to find out if something is the right fit is to try it and open the door. Hardly ever do we receive a clear play-by-play plan from Holy Spirit of how the future will play out. In the last week or so I felt myself getting frustrated and feeling disappointed because it seemed just about every door that I thought would be a great opportunity for me was being shut in my face. I thought behind these doors would be solutions to my problems and the answers to my prayers…but they WEREN’T. Sitting in my townhouse alone, I brought it up to the Lord. I was frustrated and upset, but most of all I didn’t understand what he was doing in that moment.

In the most gentle way, Holy Spirit showed me a picture of me walking into new territory on a pathway. On this pathway there were question marks on doors that were lined on each side of the pathway. As I opened door after door, I was met with nothing behind each one. In this vision I saw my frustration. Holy Spirit went on to tell me that in seasons of transition there were will always be uncertainty and an element of mystery because he doesn’t reveal all the details of his plan. We shouldn’t be disappointed though when we open a door and it doesn’t work out because it just means it wasn’t a part of God’s plan. This is new territory, so not everything is going to go the way we planned from the beginning. It will always be better though.

The next day after this heart-to-heart with the Lord my sister Ido was napping in her car during a lunch break. She heard knocking as if there were a door in the car and an audible voice saying, “Keep knocking and the door will be opened.” I think we can all agree the audible voice of the Lord is enough to confirm all Holy Spirit spoke to me about.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” Matthew 7:7-11

Behind the next door could be our answer. We have to keep knocking and not get caught in the discouragement of not having our original plan work out. It just means God’s plan is so much better, so we have to dream a little bigger and aim a little higher. Be persistent in prayer. Be persistent in standing in faith. Most of all be persistent in surrendering to God, knowing his plan is the best plan.

We can make our plans,
but the Lord determines our steps. Proverbs 16:9

Getting up After You’ve Been Knocked Down

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Right now I'm sitting in my living room, looking at the time. There are only a few hours left in 2014. As I reflect back on this year I remember facing a lot of heartache. Actually, if I'm being honest the Lord allowed me to go through a series of events this summer that left my heart in shreds. It wasn't anything that I did wrong or could prevent from happening, it just happened. It was as if a fire came through my life and relentlessly destroyed just about everything. I want to be completely transparent and vulnerable because I know this will help someone. After my summer was all over with, I didn't want to get up out of the ashes. I didn't FEEL like doing anything. I didn't let the Lord in to heal me and help me to move on. Instead I surrounded myself with people and let the busy-ness of life take over. I just threw a rug over my shredded heart in hopes it would get better.

It was only until a couple of days ago that I sat at my Granny's house in total peace and quiet with no internet, no people, that the Lord was able to speak to me again. He said "Let it go and give it to me." I wanted to say, "Lord I'm not hurt. I'm fine." but the tears proved otherwise. Finally, in the quietness of my Granny's house, the Holy Spirit was able to speak to me. "Can we address this together?"

In October I attended a Christian conference where the Holy Spirit gave me a revelation. He showed me a picture of myself flattened out on the ground like a pancake under a 2 ton weight. It was very cartoonish. The Lord removed the weight but I was still squished on the ground. The Holy Spirit revealed to me that Jesus was the same way after he died. He was crushed by life. The weight of the world's sin was on him. Friends betrayed him. Strangers had it out for him. His heart was probably in shreds too. He probably felt like he couldn't back up from this. "How in the world will I be able to resurrect?" is something he might have thought. That's when the Holy Spirit showed me a vision of heaven. There was a huge race going on like as if someone was running a marathon. People were crowding around each side. All of heaven was cheering on Jesus saying "You can do it!! Get up, Jesus! Get up!" The Champion of Heaven was able to rise again and conquer death after everyone thought that he was defeated. In the same way all of heaven was cheering on Jesus to get back up after he had been knocked down, I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me and say, "All of heaven is cheering you on. Get back up baby! I know you can do it!"

Some of you feel like 2014 just about crushed you as flat as a pancake and it's been hard to get up to keep going and to heal. I want you to know that in the same way all of heaven cheered Jesus on to resurrect, they are cheering you on too. With the help of the Holy Spirit we can overcome and move beyond our past. People didn't expect Jesus to come back from all that he had been through. People may not expect you to bounce back from what you've been through, but because the champion of heaven got back up and conquered the grave through him we can also get back up. "…Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." John 16:33

For a while after I went through my fiery trials, I just wanted to sit in my ashes. Don't fall into the trap of not surrendering your ashes to the Lord. You may not understand why you had to lose that loved one, or why that relationship didn't work out, or why your family had to struggle, or why you had to go through health problems or circumstances that people still don't know you went through. That's okay. It's okay not to understand. Surrender the questions to the Lord. When we don't understand He is still good.
" I will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth" Psalm 34:1

There is such a beautiful promise that we find in the Word. When we let go of our ashes, the Lord blesses us with beauty. "To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory." Isaiah 61:3

Let’s trade in the hurt, the pain, the disappointment for something so much better.

I’m sure without a doubt that Jesus finished this race we call life because we are his joy. Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t sit down. Get back up and finish strong. We can move forward because Christ is our joy and our reward. “No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” Philippians 3:13-14

Yes you went through a lot in 2014, but it’s time to get up and heal with the Lord. It’s time to let go of the questions and disappointments. Don’t let your past define your future. It’s a new year. I pray it’s full of beauty, joy, and festive praise for you. Welcome to 2015.

Much love in Christ,

xoxo Ndi

Maintaining Peace in the Storm

The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Psalm 23:1-3

The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Psalm 23:1-3

Most people that know me would say I’m always laughing, making jokes, and smiling. Some probably think I’ve never seen a bad day. It’s only because God has delivered me through so many traumatic life circumstances that I’m able to have joy. 

Can I be honest with you guys today? This last month has been really hard on me. Within a very short period of time I have gone through loss after loss after loss. My family went through a difficult situation where all of our lives were in danger. My summer plans to do my dream internship in New York fell apart. I lost thousands of dollars of savings. My cat ran away. A close friend of 7 years was choosing not to speak to me when I needed her most. My phone was stolen (later returned). I was being gossiped about. And most recently, my little chihuahua that I’ve had for almost half my life passed away unexpectedly. You would think it would stop there but it doesn’t. I could go on and on with this list but I just want to give you a picture of my life lately. 

Before any of this happened, I was already feeling tired,emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally. So when all of this happened, saying I was tired was an understatement. I was exhausted. There were a few nights that I just wept and poured out my heart to God. I told him I don’t know how much more I can take. I was starting to feel like Job. In the Bible everything was taken from Job suddenly. Servant after servant came telling him his family, his wealth, his animals were all gone. Later his health deteriorated as well. Everything he had was ripped away from him.

After my dog Princess died, it felt like salt in an already open wound or like being kicked in the stomach when I was already down. The demonic attacks on my family and I were getting more and more personal. I sat in my room praying to God “Lord, please don’t take everything.” He didn’t answer me, but brought to my remembrance what he spoke to me at the very beginning of 2014. While everyone was making New Year’s resolutions I prayed and asked God what this year would be like. He revealed to me that this year would be like Psalm 23. He said that I would watch each verse unfold in my life. When I read the scripture I wasn’t really looking forward to the whole darkest valley thing.

At one point or another each of us will go through a storm in our life. It’s not a matter of if but when it will happen. Some experience more extreme storms than others. Sometimes they are brought upon us because of our own choices other times they are simply an attack of the enemy. However, we are not entitled to an explanation as to why we go through the things we go through. God’s ways are sovereign and his thoughts are so much higher than ours. If God allowed it, there has to be a purpose. He will never allow us to go through something that is more than we can bear (1 Cor. 10:13). Even if something terrible happened and it was not a part of his plan, He can turn it around for his glory (Rom.8:28).

Even when I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
protect and comfort me. Psalm 23:4

Through each storm in our life, God will always provide comfort. The Israelites were having a hard time after escaping slavery in Egypt. However, God still comforted them. When they were stranded in the wilderness, God provided manna as food for them. In Hebrew the literal translation for manna is “What is this?”. When we go through trials in life God provides comfort for us and we say “What is this?”. It could be exactly what we need, but we still question God and ask him to explain himself. We look at our circumstances and say “God, what is this?” We want to Him to explain why we are going through these trials. But God doesn’t owe us an explanation. Sometimes he will give us one but not always. God is so wonderful and mysterious we couldn’t possibly understand everything He does. When he doesn’t give us an explanation we still need to trust him because He’s faithful. If everything is His, then it was never ours to begin with. It’s important to release everything to Him. We are only stewards of his possessions.

“I came naked from my mother’s womb,
and I will be naked when I leave.
The Lord gave me what I had,
and the Lord has taken it away.
Praise the name of the Lord!”

Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad? Job 2:10

God gave me a revelation while in the midst of my own storm concerning Psalm 23. After reading this portion of scripture over and over I realized that in order to receive a greater measure of anointing, blessings and favor, you HAVE to go through a dark season with God. If you look at the order of the scriptures in Psalm 23 first God establishes that he’s with us and he’s guiding us. Then, He walks with us through the darkest times of our life. Then immediately after we see in the next verse it says “You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.” Psalm 23:5-6.

The day my dog Princess died I took my other little chihuahua Tito for a walk. I have had Tito for even longer than Princess and they were companions for several years ever since Princess was born. I knew Tito was starting to realize that Princess had passed and was getting very sad about it, so I thought a walk would get his mind off things. Tito who is usually a very vocal dog was silent as we passed people and other dogs in the neighborhood. I remember that day being very dark and cloudy outside because it was about to storm and rain. At the beginning of our walk Tito was excited to be outside, but as we turned around to go back home he was starting to lag behind and look discouraged. I said to him, “Come on Tito. We’re almost home.” He looked at me and had a burst of energy to keep going, but soon was tired again. I picked him up and held him while he laid his head on my chest. We finished the rest of our walk that way.

Suddenly, God showed me how He does the same for us during the darkest times of our lives. Sometimes we don’t know it, but the trials are about to end and there’s breakthrough on the other side. Tito didn’t know we were almost home. We hear God’s voice and try to keep going but it feels like we can’t. Just like I held Tito, God holds us when we feel that we have no strength left. Notice I didn’t pick up Tito and run home. God doesn’t pick us up and run to hurry and get out of our darkest valley. He lets us know he’s present. Because He’s Lord, we don’t have to be afraid. It doesn’t matter what the circumstance is. God can handle what we go through. We just need to relax and rest on His chest. In my arms Tito was safe from other dogs that came chasing after us. In God’s arms we’re safe.

After all of Job’s tests and trials. God blessed him with twice than what he had before! A lot of times God wants to use these trials and storms to bring promotion and bless us. Even though the enemy meant to destroy us, God uses our situations to position us to be blessed even more and to bring him glory. We have to maintain the right attitude though. God wants to be just in blessing us with more. It’s so easy to get a bad attitude, lose your peace and miss what God is doing in this season. When you’re going through a storm, it’s a critical time to draw closer to God and strengthen your relationship with God.

Here are practical ways to maintain your peace during a storm. One is to magnify God and not the problems. To magnify means to enlarge something. By constantly dwelling on the problems you start to make them larger than they really are. God is so much bigger than any circumstance. Also, don’t feed fear. Don’t give in to fear and fearful thoughts. By feeding fear you are diminishing your faith. Ask God to cover you in His love because His perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18). Declare scripture over your life. If you feel like you are becoming fearful, remember that faith comes by hearing. So declare out loud what the scriptures say about you and God’s promises. Another way to maintain your peace is by worshiping. When we worship the Bible says His Spirit inhabits our praises (Psalm 22:3). Our praise literally changes the atmosphere. Encourage yourself by remembering all the times when God has done something for you and shown himself faithful. And finally, count your blessings and be thankful for all that God has blessed you with even while you’re going through a hard time. If you feel yourself getting bitter and discouraged about your circumstances, it’s because you haven’t released it to Him. Let go. It’s out of your control, so just let Him in to comfort you. Bitterness and discouragement can fester when we listen to the lies of the enemy. He’ll tell us we’re alone and that God doesn’t love us and things are only going to get worse. But when thoughts like that come up quickly cast them down in the name of Jesus. Don’t listen to them. Most times when we go through a storm we have an open wound from that. We have to acknowledge the pain and not just brush it off. Pour out your heart to God. Tell him how you’re feeling. It’s okay to cry. It’s not a sign of weakness. Even if we are weak, in our weakness Christ’s power and strength is made perfect (2 Cor. 12:9). The quicker we admit we are hurt to God, the quicker we are able to start healing and be comforted by His presence. Ignoring a wound and listening to lies causes bitterness and discouragement. Another way to combat bitterness and discouragement is by putting on the full armor of God (Eph. 6) and stopping any negative thinking and speaking. Negative thinking and speaking is only going to encourage your pity party. With everything in you fight the negative thinking and speaking.

I know a lot of you reading are going through a storm right now. It may seem like it doesn’t end, but just like the night has to end, the sun will rise again. Don’t let the devil steal your peace. Keep your eyes fixed on God and not the circumstances. He’s taking you deeper to places of trust where you’ve never been. He’s preparing you to be effective in your calling. Learn what you can now. Don’t miss what God has for you in this season. Because he loves us, we can trust him. We may not understand why everything happens, but the one who does is leading us. Sometimes God strips us of things to bless us with better. Allow this night season to refine you in your character. Surrender everything to him and just rest. His promises are true and you’re going to make it.

.. appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified. Isaiah 61:3

xoxo,

Ndi

Golden Awkward Moment #4: Saved by the Bell

Sorry I’ve been behind on updating everyone about my awkward life. I will do my best to update as much as possible.

This week’s awkward moment by far deserves a gold medal. It’s quite hilarious. Actually God has a really funny sense of humor. There’s never a dull moment with Him.

Let me rewind to last week Friday. Last week Friday a guy approached me and was talking me up because he was interested in me. He was actually really polite, but right now I could care less about guys unless it is the right one. Let me tell you, I could tell from what little conversation that this guy was not right for me. I’m tired of guys that are just a distraction and randomly pop in my life but actually have no purpose. So Dylan (not his real name) , towards the end of our conversation asked for my number. I didn’t really want to give it to him, but he was just so polite. I thought to myself “Think quick Ndi! You know, you should really have a response ready when stuff like this happens.” I didn’t know what else to say so I was like “Sure…” Don’t worry, I know what you’re thinking. I texted him later and told him I was really focused on the Lord and wasn’t looking for any kind of romantic interest or fling. He replied that he thinks it’s amazing that I’m a God fearing woman and that he wants to come to church with me. I was just thinking to myself “Haha okay! Like I haven’t heard that one before. And why don’t you already go to church??” All I said was okay and he said,”I’m serious.” After that I stopped responding. Haha! 

That was just to give you some background on who this character Dylan is. So Monday morning, I got off work and went to eat lunch around 12:00 at my university’s campus cafeteria. Everyone knows that’s the busiest time to eat. I was eating by myself because I wasn’t really planning to go with friends, I just went. I was lucky to get a table. Anyway, so I’m eating and looking down at my food with my hair in my face. Then Dylan walks in….. My eyes were about to pop out of my head. He walked right past me though because he didn’t recognize me. BUT he sat at a table literally 3 feet behind me. In my little head I thought if I just didn’t text him back the whole situation would disappear. Silly Ndi. He goes to the same school as you.

What was my reaction when this happened? I immediately got up, left all my food and stuff, and hid halfway across the cafeteria behind a wall near the dessert. Haha! I called my good friend, Jovita and said “Jovita!! Where are you??? I need you to come eat with me!! Dylan is here!!” Her: “Oooo! Really? I want to see him! I’m coming.” And I kid you not she was there in less than a minute and a half and showed up while we were still talking on the phone. Hahaha! While all this is happening I’m praying “Lord, please help me.” And he answered my prayer in seconds!! You’ll never guess what happened. 

THE FIRE ALARM WENT OFF.

It was like something out of a movie. Everyone in the whole cafeteria had to clear out. I was so happy. God is funny. He said, “Oh no. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Dylan you have to go!” Haha! I love God!! I could not stop laughing. Cheers to me being awkward and a close call to an even more awkward moment.

xoxo,

Ndi

Awkward Moment of the Week #3: Kissy Kissy

Kissy Kissy

Kissy Kissy

So my awkward moment this week goes along perfectly with Valentine’s Day. It’s like it was a set up. Love can be awkward, or sometimes even just liking someone. Sometimes it’s just friends that are awkward. 

This past week I was working on a project for one of my classes with a classmate. His name is Alex. It was just Alex and I alone in this room working on this project. I’ve known him for a couple years, so I wasn’t really uncomfortable. Alex is also a really touchy person. He loves hugging people. I don’t really mind because I love hugs too. Anyways, Alex wasn’t really concentrating on our homework and started talking about his love life. He likes a girl who doesn’t feel the same way about him. He said, “Ndi, do you ever feel like you can never have the person you want, but you can have the people you don’t want?” I was barely paying attention to him and said, “I guess so.” He just looked at me like “Come on!!” Last semester I had mentioned that there was a guy that I liked but he just didn’t like me back. It was the same as his situation. So he said, “Take for example, you could tell Collin (another one of our classmates) that you wanted to be with him and you could have him in a heartbeat. You could tell me you wanted to be together, give me a lollipop, and you’d have me. But you can’t have that guy that you liked.” At this point he’s got my attention and I’m smirking and thinking to myself, “Well I know I can’t have him. Thanks for pointing that out again.” I just reminded him that sometimes God protects us from a relationship because He’s got something better for us. Then Alex says “You know, Will (another one of our classmates) seriously thought we were about to date at one point.” In my head, my eyes got really big and I was like “What in the world?!?!?” But on the outside I remained calm and just said “Really?….” Hahaha I had no words. I didn’t know what else to say. Alex and I are in no way compatible. I mentioned how I missed Will and Alex threw his arms around me and said, “I miss him too, but I’m so glad we’re friends, Ndi.” 

Haha I want everyone to get a clear picture of this. I’m sitting in a chair facing forward. Alex is sitting to the right of me and has his arms around me and is facing my direction. After he said “I’m so glad we’re friends, Ndi”, out of the corner of my eyes I see his face moving closer to mine but then backing away and then getting closer again and backing away again. I turned to him and said, “What are you doing?” He said “Well I was going to kiss you on your cheek, but I guess that would’ve been awkward. Did I save myself?? Tell me I saved myself, Ndi!!” And I’m just like “Sure…. You saved yourself, Alex.” I was just like, what in the world??? Hahaha. At that point I was like okay….I’m done doing homework alone with you. It’s time to go. My cheeks are reserved for family and old people that think I’m cute!

Warning: All names in this story have been changed to protect the innocent. 😉

I hope this made you smile. 🙂

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xoxo,
Ndi