Awkward Moment:Who is this Big-Booty-Chick on His Phone?

This theme park was incredible and beyond belief magical. I was having the time of my life. In addition, I made new friends. They were brothers. They also weren’t from the US. My friends and I spent all day with them. I was closest in age with the middle brother, Peter. Being my inquisitive self, I asked him a million questions about his life while waiting in ridiculously long lines. Peter was the handsome, strong, manly, mysterious, adventurous type with long hair. His foreign accent was the cherry on top. I noticed throughout the day, I’d catch him staring at me and smiling. When I would catch him, he never said anything and would just keep smiling. Being from Texas, it just comes naturally to me to be friendly to strangers, so I would just smile back. When my girlfriend got a chance, she whispered to me, “I think he likes you. He keeps looking at you and he only wants to talk to you.” I was picking up on that too. I think some men think women have no idea when you’re into them, but most women can smell it from 100 miles away.

After a full day at the park, all of us needed to meet up with some other people we came with. The park was so large we needed to walk at least a mile to get to the meet up spot. We had to decide whether or not we wanted to take a ride on a golf cart to get there or walk. While chatting about this decision, I caught Peter giving me googly eyes again. This time he put his arm around me. I was freaking out and probably blushing even though no one would ever be able to tell. He took his arm off after about a minute. The group came to a decision and we were going to walk. There was so much chaos happening because the park had just closed and the crowds of people were looking like a mass exodus of herds of cattle. Peter started walking and I was walking next to him. Our friends were close behind. Peter was suddenly walking at lightning speed and the crowds were so large, it was easy to get lost, so I sped up the pace to keep up with him. That’s when I realized we were separated from our friends. I asked, “Should we wait for them to catch up to us?” He was quick to say no. That’s when I realized he was just trying to get me alone. I totally fell for it!

Peter put his arm around me for a SECOND time! This time he left it there! Public display of affection is definitely not something I’m used to. Maybe you should read my purity blog and you’ll understand why. I started stuttering. Everything that came out of my mouth sounded so stupid. We had to meet everyone up at a certain time. Peter pulled out his cell phone to check the time. Something caught my eye though. There was a big-booty-chick in a thong on his phone as the wallpaper!!! WHAT THE?!?! Oh NO! What microscopic amount of interest I had in this guy dissipated. What a bust. No thank you. Not such a great first impression. What’s funny is he didn’t even know I saw.

When we got to the meetup spot, he wanted to keep walking with me and we passed up everyone. I could tell he was just buying time, so he wouldn’t have to say bye. I was just thinking, “Oh, dear Lord. Please don’t try to kiss me.” Peter went on and on about how this wasn’t goodbye and he was going to come to my city and visit me. “This isn’t goodbye, Ndi. I’m going to see you again,” he said. He was still making googly eyes at me. He gave me a hug and left. Thankfully, he didn’t try to kiss me.

That was the first and last time I ever saw him. I laughed hysterically about it with my girlfriend who thought he liked me. I mean, REALLY? IS THIS REAL LIFE? You’re trying to holler at me but you got a big-booty-chick on your phone? Boy, BYE!



Awkward Moment: Spongebob & Fine Dining Don’t Mix?

This summer my sister and I made a trip back from Dallas, Texas, to Redding, California. This particular traveling trip took rather long. After arriving at the airport in San Francisco, we took an Uber to the bus station. We flew for over 5 hours and were starting to get a little delirious from hunger. We were early though and our bus wasn’t taking off for another 2 hours. We asked the man at the front desk if we could check in our luggage and he said yes. We struggled with the self check-in, weighing our bags. After about 20 minutes of struggling we finally got the tags for our luggage. We asked the man at the front desk to take it thinking we could finally venture off to find food. He was like, “I’m not taking that! An old man left his suitcase here two weeks ago and said he would be right back. He never came back. You have to check in your luggage when the bus gets here.” He sounded bitter about the old man. I wish he would’ve told us that before we struggled at the self check-in. This bus station was weird. There was an old black man pacing, speaking loudly in Spanish, but then he would speak in English using all types of ebonics, saying he was from “O-Town”. It was very peculiar. He got really close to where I was sitting and looked at me with a twinkle in his eyes like I was a newborn baby and said “Hi, Heaven.” Then he turned, walked away and said bye.

This bus station was doing the most. Sister and I were going to take our chances and take all our luggage to find food. The only place we could find nearby was a fine dining restaurant about a block away. We walked in with three suitcases and a guitar. The hostess gave us the strangest look. I was wearing my SpongeBob leggings and sweatshirt. Who really dresses up for the plane anyway? Sister and I ordered the cheapest thing on their menu, octopus and french fries. I know. We’re fancy brauds. It was hilarous because a lot of the staff was looking at us funny. They were all dressed in collared shirts and bow ties. Most of their customers were also coming in dressed to the nines and had already made reservations. To say the least, we were under-dressed and stuck out like sore thumbs. The whole situation was quite ironic. We gave no explanation though.We paid and the staff said “Good luck to wherever you’re going!” On the way back to the bus station, we laughed hysterically at the situation until tears almost came out.

Awkward Moment: Go In Faith

From time to time I like to share testimonies about what God is doing in my life and how he is touching the people around me. But this one was one that went wrong.

I was in Dollar Tree. All I needed was a toothbrush to replace my old one that looked like it had been sucked up a vacuum cleaner a few times. I walked down the aisle and a woman smiled at me as she passed. I thought to myself, “Oh, that was nice.” She came back again to tell me that I’m beautiful. I was really flattered. So far this was a pleasant Dollar Tree experience. Then a plot twist got introduced.

She went on to say, “You know, I don’t know what it is but I’m always so drawn to black people. They’re so beautiful and to be honest I think they’re more anointed. Every time I’m around one, I just feel God’s presence.” In my mind I’m thinking, “Okay?” Things were getting a little weird. She asked, “Are you from Bethel?” Bethel is the church I attend and was a student in their school of supernatural ministry. I answered, “Yes.” She continued, “Oh great! Do you have a word from God for me??” I was really taken aback. In my school of supernatural ministry they encouraged us as students to hear from the Lord and encourage one another with prophetic words. I think what shocked me was that I’ve never had a stranger tell me to give them a prophetic word. So she waited there patiently for me to hear from God. I got a word of knowledge that she had been having intestinal problems and problems with her digestion. She confirmed that I was correct and said she had some type of disease. She asked me to pray for her healing so I did. She felt God’s presence and burning in her stomach. I was happy that she was experiencing the Lord, but I was running behind schedule and needed to get my toothbrush and go. She asked for my number to be able to contact me to try and get more connected in church. I gave it to her against my better judgment.

As soon as she had my number, a switch flipped in her head. She kept talking and asking if I saw anything “bad” on her. She followed me to the next aisle and kept talking. I thought my ears were going to fall off! I couldn’t even concentrate on finding a toothbrush! I tried to keep cool but she was starting to creep me out. I smiled at her and said, “Bless you. Go in faith.” I walked to the other side of the store and a couple minutes later she showed up again! This lady was following me! Again, I told her “Go in faith.” Homegirl was missing a few screws! She continued to talk, “Go in faith!”, I said. Which was really code for “Leave me alone! Bye Felecia!”

Eventually she left and I hurried out of Dollar Tree as fast as I could. Little did I know, that wouldn’t be the last of her. She serial called and texted my phone asking if she could come over and spend more time with me. That was just not going to happen. I wish I would’ve known she was a little coo-coo-for-coco-puffs before I gave her my number. I put her name in my phone as “DO NOT ANSWER”. Even though I told her to leave me alone and not contact me anymore, it’s months later and she still periodically texts me. I never answer any of them. I considered sharing this testimony with friends but it had such a bizarre ending to it that I decided to keep it to myself. Last time I go to Dollar Tree for a toothbrush.

Awkward Moment: Almost Killed a Cat

This one happened just last week. It was hot. I was ready to leave to where I needed to go,but Cute Face was sitting on top of my car!! Cute Face is the neighbor’s cat. She’s quite annoying more than cute. Every time I open my front door to leave my apartment, there she is staring at me, meowing at me, being needy. This time I was not playing games with her. I looked square in her glassy green eyes and spoke to here woman to woman, or should I say woman to cat? “Cute Face, you’re going to have get off the roof of my car because I’m leaving and I’m not going to stop driving just because you’re there.” She just blinked at me with her haughty self. She probably didn’t think I would do it, but I was dead serious. I started driving and right before I was about to hit the big hump in the road that lets me out of my driveway, I hear a faint voice yelling, “Stop! Stop! STOP!” I looked around. It was my neighbor. No way! I never see him outside! I’ve been caught! I got out the car and he said, “There’s a cat on top of your car and she’s not getting off!” I played it off like I never saw Cute Face there. “Oh! Wow! How’d she get there?? Oh! Poor Cute Face!” He laughed and said, “That was a close one.” I laughed as I scooped her off the back of my roof, but my laugh was fake. I knew what I was doing. When the owner had his back turned, I squinted at Cute Face as if to say, “I told you not to try me Cute Face. This isn’t over.”

Awkward Moment:Early Bird Gets the Worm

I was so excited to finally have an “official” job! The Manager said show up to orientation at 8 pm the following week. I prepared all day long and wore my nicest outfit. I mean I was dressed to IMPRESS. When I looked in the mirror I impressed my own self! I showed up at the workplace 15 minutes early, 7:45pm. I walked in, saw the manager and she gave me a glance. “Yes. Can I help you?” In my head I thought, “Well of course! Does she not remember me? I mean, does she not remember what time we scheduled orientation?” I responded with a smile, “Yes. I’m here for orientation.” She looked confused. “Orientation is tomorrow at 8 pm.” My eyes were wide. I couldn’t believe it! I showed up a WHOLE day early! “Oh! Yes! Of course it is! Wow. I could’ve swore it was today…(nervous laughter)…At least I’m early! (nervous smile)” She wasn’t smiling or laughing at the awkward situation which made things even more awkward. I just said, “Okay, see you tomorrow!” and briskly walked out. I could hear her loudly whispering to another employee, “Man, she is ready to work!” Wow. What a first impression, Ndi!

Awkward Moment of the Week: Weird Nigerian Girl

So this week’s awkward moment award goes to this story. 

I’m a music major and sometimes I saw this guy I didn’t know in the music building. Even though I didn’t know him I would say hi just  because I saw him so often. That’s what I do with anyone I see a lot but don’t know. So one day this week as I’m getting off work, I start walking towards the back of the music building and I see him sitting on a bench listening to music. As I’m approaching he looks like he’s laughing at something. I smile and say hi. At this point I still haven’t actually met him. He takes out one of his earbuds still kind of laughing and says “Hi. What’s your name?” I tell him my name and he’s still kind of laughing and says, “I saw a video of you dancing on Facebook through one of our mutual friends.” At first I was thinking to myself, “Dancing??? Is he sure that was me??” Then I remembered. I made a video of me dancing to Ibibio (a Nigerian language) praise music and speaking in Ibibio. Hahaha! I was being really silly and making all sorts of weird faces and doing dances that my dad does. Haha well… he’s seen a glimpse of how weird I am. Dang it! Now I can’t even pretend to be normal. Now I know why he was laughing. What a great introduction.